Monday, December 17, 2012

Advice for my future life

So just thinking ahead to future Maddi's life, 
these are just a couple of things that I think I'm looking for in a guy. 
and as i said, IN THE FUTURE. 
(far far future)
Im not looking to get married and start having babies tomorrow people. 
This is both my advice list...
 & I guess my shopping list of what I'm looking for ;)

When first dating you always hold hands. In the car. While walking. At meals. At movies. It doesn't matter where. Over time, it usually stops. Excuses are sometimes made up like my hand was too hot or it made me sweat or I wasn’t comfortable with it in public.  When the truth is, hand holding usually stops because the effort to be close to each other stops. No other reason.
How to do it right: I want my hand held in the car. I my hand held on a star. I want my hand held in a box. I want you to hold my hand with a fox. Hold my hand everywhere else, too, even if we don't particularly like each other for the moment 
BONUS! When you hold hands in the winter, they don't get cold. True story.  
Obviously when the guy is  was working to woo the girl, he would do himself up as attractively as he possibly could every time he saw her. He keeps perfectly groomed. He always smelled good. For some reason, marriage make people feel like they can stop doing all that. Get all properly groomed, smelling good, and dressed up any time you go out somewhere. Care about making yourself attractive just for me.
How to do it right: Try and put your best foot forward throughout the entire marriage/dating.  Make yourself desirable so that they would desire you. This works for both the boy and the girl! 
When I dating men typically only built the girl up,  they only told her how amazing she was, and men easily looked past all of her flaws. After getting married though, men sometimes can't even let their women cook eggs without the guy telling her how she could improve. 

 How to do it right: Learn that there is more than one right way to do most things, and that the imperfections of others are too beautiful to try and change. Don't say a dang thing!
 BONUS! when you tell her what she’s doing right, she’ll tell you what you’re doing right. And she’ll also tell her friends. And her family. And the dentist. And even strangers on the street. 
Men know how to woo a girl, thats for sure. And the ticket is usually a night in, cooking a nice meal and having a romantic evening. After marriage it typically turns into some canned soup thrown in the microwave or chimichangas once in a while, but rarely, if ever, do married people go   out of their way to sweep each other off their feet after marriage by steaming crab legs, or making fancy pasta, or setting up a candlelit table. And you can never go wrong with grilling something up on the grill ;)
How to do it right: Make it a priority to cook for each other. Something awesome at least every month. And remember that meat in a can is never awesome.
I’m not talking about the angry kind of yelling. I’m talking about the lazy kind of yelling. The kind of yelling you do when you don’t want to get up from your television show or you don’t want to go ALL THE WAY UPSTAIRS to ask the other if they have seen your keys. It really doesn’t take that much effort to go find each other, and yelling (by nature) sounds demanding and authoritative.
How to do it right: Try to go find each other anytime you need something or wantto know something, and  have both gratitude and manners when you do. You hate being yelled at, so don't think its ok to yell back at someone. 
BONUS! sometimes you catch each other doing something cute that you would have missed otherwise.
I always thought it was love to tell my spouse, “I don’t care if you don’t take care of yourself. I don’t care if you don’t exercise. I don’t care if you let yourself go.” But that is lying, the truth is, we do care. We should tell each other how sexy and attractive the other was any time we go workout or do something to become healthier.
How to do it right: Tell me that you care. We should encourage each other to go to the gym.  Remind each other of their goals and tell each other your strong enough to keep them and achieve them.
BONUS! exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. And happy people don’t kill other people. 
Age shouldn’t matter. Physical ability shouldn’t matter. Couples should never stop having fun with each other. When the fun is missing, and the social part of life is missing, so also goes missing the ability to be fully content with each other.
How to do it right: Make a rule that we never stay home two weekends in a row.
BONUS! awesome stories and awesome memories come from doing awesome things. And so do cherished embarrassing moments.
When dating, you as the man are the knight in shining armor. If there was a spider that needed killing? You as the guy,  was the Gladiator. Was there a drain that needed a good hair-unclogging? Who else would I call but you? 
How to do it right: Do the gross and scary things that you as the man was born to do.  Remember that you fell in love with sugar and spice and everything nice, not slugs and snails and puppy dog tails.
BONUS! how do I put this? When I get scared, more often than not I will need the physical reassurance of the safety that only I will feel in the arms of my big, brawny, tough, macho man.
While family is usually great, it really keeps us from developing our own working family dynamic, our own traditions, and our own strengthen way of living and doing things. It drags us into unnecessary drama. And most of all, it keeps us from learning to lean on each other during our rough patches instead of on our parents or siblings.
How to do it right: Lets move away from both families for a year or two. That way, when we do come back, we’d be strong on our own and our families would be great supplements to our marriage instead of major players.
BONUS! We can make own own traditions, things in that our parents weren’t cool with. “And after we open our Christmas pajamas… everyone has to eat a pound of chocolate. And then they have to stand on their heads while screaming. And then they have to jump on their beds.” Stuff like that.
Twenty extra bucks for the ambiance of a nicer restaurant is usually no biggie when you want to charm me and make me feel worth it. Paying for nicer seats at a show.or getting better seats at a basketball game. 
How to do it right: Look at every extra dollar spent as an investment into our relationship. Surprise me when I don't know its coming. :D I know I'd try to return the favor. 
BONUS! nice dates lead to nice pictures on my phone which lead to everyone on my Instagram and Facebook thinking you’re the coolest guy on the planet.
When wooing guys make it a point to show up with flowers. And not just for special occasions. They have them delivered. They drop some at the door and run. Some guys just have them if they are just showing up for a movie on the couch. After we said I do, don't let it stop. Flowers sometimes become an unnecessary expense and are only worth splurging on for really special occasions like anniversaries or Valentine’s day. And sadly not always on those days, either.
How to do it right: You might get me flowers on those special occasions, but make it a point to get me flowers often enough that she never wondered what you did wrong when you did do something. Understand that the most meaningful flowers are the ones given with no reason but to give them.
BONUS! it’s hard to hold grudges for the other stupid things you do when there are fresh flowers reminding her that you’re a good guy most of the time.

Now some of these may be silly. 
I will admit to that. 
But in their own little way they are all important to me. 
Everyone of these things, are things I have dreamed about in some way.
And guys remember I am a girl.
I do dress up especially for you most of the time. 
Take the darn time to notice that.

If there is one thing I'm starting to notice, it is this:
If you don't pursue me, 
then I'm not going to pursue you. 
Heaven knows that has happened far too often in my slim dating experience. 

In the wise words of my father...
Happy dating. or maybe its hunting...


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